Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
