Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
