Me. At least after what I've been through.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
