just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
this will be a night to untag.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
