its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
