Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
pray to the hookup gods
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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