Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
