I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
