My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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