I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
