At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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