I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
