I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
