He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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