That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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