By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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