Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
