I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Even my vagina gasped.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
