Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
