My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just forgot I was standing up.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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