so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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