You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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