you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
