Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
