i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
