She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
