Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
