I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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