you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
