Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
