Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
