what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
