her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
