I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I understand Curling. That high.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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