I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
