we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got inside last night via doggy door
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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