watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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