Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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