so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
