i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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