All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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