Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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