Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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