end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
