I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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