Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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