I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so let's talk penis.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
