either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
