im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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