I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
