She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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