where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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