Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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