Swine flu. Run for my life!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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