just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
