i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
