I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
