I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
