You're my little dorito
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
