Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
