If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
