I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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